Take a deep breast…cough cough… breath

My Specialty is gull bladder removal. You get to keep the stones!

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46 Responses to Take a deep breast…cough cough… breath

  1. Newbie says:

    lol…..appears Jonathan has run into Nurse Hatchett…..where’s Nurse Rachett !!!!!

  2. Dr Gullable says:

    Ms Newbie, take a number and plunk your tush down in the waiting room. Here’s a johnny shirt even if your name isn’t Johnny. Rachett sees the psyche patients on the weekends. If you are psyche give me back that shirt and go home and then come back…shhhhh Mother told me that I would have days like this….”next….come in Mr Gulliver…how did the castor oil work” Bang

  3. Newbie says:

    What if I want a Sally shirt instead of Johnny shirt.

  4. Dr Gullable says:

    You will get a johnny shirt. Another braless one….shhhh

  5. Newbie says:

    I’m coming back this weekend. I bet I can get a Sally shirt then ! Night doc.

  6. Dr Gullable says:

    Ms Newbie, Ratchet will tell you that you are really a man with an identity crisis. I can see you powder your five o’clock shadow….shhhhh…. Sleep well…

  7. cali patti says:

    Dr. Gullable, Gull – able, Hmm, seems to be a miss – spelling! Able to do … ? Pass out ugly shirts? I’m confused, which is mental state that has reoccurred since meeting a certain northern seagull.

  8. cali patti says:

    and .. who is really a man, Newbie or Rachett & does it matter? Is Gull-able able to tell the difference in gender from a 5:00 shawdow?

  9. Newbie says:

    lol…cali patti…I wish I could enlighten you but have to leave that to the seagull !

  10. Dr Gullable says:

    Ms Patti, I will have you know that I am qualified in my field and an expect like none other. Can I detect a gender? Why certainly and it all has to do with the ‘ugly shirts’ as you prefer to call them. Regardless if they are worn back to front or front to back, it depends a lot on the placement of the drawstrings. I can even tell if the person was a former boy scout depending on the knots. Females prefer to tie cute little bows. Suicidals love the hangman’s noose but that is Rachett’s field.

    Since you are having recurring episodes of manic depression or some such, please make an appointment to see Nurse Rachett this weekend. I don’t think this is her weekend to frequent the local bar. My specialty this week is dealing with constipation. Are you bound up? I have a 100% cure for such a malady and will have you up and running in no time.

    Keep in mind, my goal is to cure what ails you. Dr Gullable, M.D. BSR ( BTW, just finished a course in the latter)

  11. cali patti says:

    Thanks to the Lady with Higher Powers I have no ailments. BTW, FYI, BSR has several legitimate definitions none of which I believe apply to you. I believe your BSR degree is in “BS Rachett” which would not cure any ailment that might bother me other than those ailments that are contracted from a visit to Dr. Gullable’s office. The only other curitive powers BS Rachett deegree would be in the ability to run from said local bar before consuming any beverage with Nurse Rachett in same local bar.
    You also wrote and I quote, ” … and an expect like none other.” Expect what? Expect a payment or gift? Expect as in expected? Or Expert and you miswrote/mispelled/misthunk? As usual, the Nrthn Seabird has me confused! So very draining on my brain cells.
    As to your ugly shirts, still ugly, front to back, back to front or sideways, still ugly and unwanted.

  12. cali patti says:

    Newbie, thank you so very much. You may be any gender you want be. All is good! To my knowledge the seagull, mainstreamfair, Dr, Gullable have no gender. I would fear Dr. Gullable’s diagnosis will be gender biased.

  13. Nurse Rachett says:

    Gullible – I thought we dealt with your fantasy life during your stay at the asylum. I remember well the bar where I first met you whilst rounding up the young woman who had wandered away from bowling, during a group outing. The two of you were quite the pair as you tried to convince customers that you were a licensed practitioner and she was your assistant. Thank gawd we found you when we did! There were a lot of regulars in there who were full of chit. There could have been people seriously injured fighting over the limited number of porcelain thrones, had they all taken your cure at the same time.
    I suppose we did make some progress during therapy – at least you left the lab coat and latex gloves at home. Not to mention that probe!

  14. Dr Gullable says:

    Ms Patti~~as per usual you are incorrect… you looked in the wrong section for BSR… you got the wrong animal…not ‘rat’… try the bovine that blows fire out of his snout as he races across the pasture dropping cali patties..

    Re the ‘expect’…With some of my magic potion, you may be expecting? … or did your biological clock run out about 50 yrs ago? Okay, if you stick around in here taking up my valuable time, you can EXPECT a bill from me.

  15. Nurse Rachett says:

    Ms Cali Patti – the only bill Gullabe can send you is a photo of the one it uses to fluff its feathers and peck at left overs on the beach. Please be patient with our misguided seagull, there is a lot of history there I am not at liberty to discuss. Suffice it to say, Gullable has issues!

  16. Dr Gullable says:

    Ratchitt, am I gullible? No siree, I am an able gull. I am part French so therefore I am a gull able. For example a cat born in France becomes un chat noir. I suppose you Americans just learn Spanish as a second language. Mon Dieu.

    I do not know why you are bringing up the incident at the bowling alley. If you recall, I was the one with the balls. I think you should stick to cleansing the minds while I concentrate on chasing germs from the human body. If I had my way, I would give the world an enema! !

    BTW, that was not a probe. Will you please return my dousing rod…oops dowsing? I’ll bet Ginny Lucas could spell that right the first time. I heard through the grapevine that you and Ginny are related.

  17. Nurse Rachett says:

    Poor Gullable, still dealing with Mysophobia. I truly thought we had made progress there. Apparently, you are in need of another intervention.
    Not sure whether or not Ginny and I are related, but the two of you might very well be. She calls her probe a dowsing rod too.
    By the way, you might be an able gull, but can you whistle?

  18. Dr Gullable says:

    Ratchitt~~I am perched on my roost right this minute whistling Dixie…My kettle can whistle too. Sometimes we do a duet..

    I have no fear of germs. I have no fear of ghosts and high places. I only have a fear of you, Ratchitt.

  19. Nurse Rachett says:

    Good for you Gullable! Now try to focus on whistling Dixie when fear of those germs gets in the way of rational thinking. And for heavens sake, be careful if using that boiling water to sterilize your environment. BTW, Dawn dish soap is highly recommended for use on feathers or cleansing the bill after snacking on the beach.

  20. Nurse Rachett says:

    So tell me Gullable, are you now fancying yourself to be the official germinator of the Internet? We really need to get you back to the asylum for a followup visit. I can request that a window be left partially open so you can fly right in.

  21. Dr Gullable says:

    Ratchitt, Dawn dish soap is perfect for enemas. It keeps cleansing from dust ’til dawn. Did you know that you have 25 feet of bowel plus the five footer? I had to use Drano on a patient one time. You should have seen the steam coming out of his eye sockets. Maybe it was tears and not steam. Who knows or who cares? Please don’t ask me how I administered the Drano. I cannot plug my tricks of the trade that I use for the unplugging in here.

  22. Nurse Rachett says:

    Gullable if you were worth a bird dropping as a self proclaimed expert you would realize that as with many other health concerns, worrying and obsessing about bowel movements and constipation will only make the situation worse. Unfortunately, obsession breeds obsession…kind of like focusing on germs.
    Might I suggest that you take those balls you found in the bar not so many years ago, and find yourself a sweet young thing and have a real reason to whistle Dixie.

  23. Nurse Rachett says:

    Gullable – Speaking of obsessions, Did you know there are people who like to watch?
    We had a person in the asylum who would keep her telescope trained on her neighbors bedroom window at all times. That way, she wouldn’t need to refocus each time she left and came back. After awhile, she began to feel entitled to peeking in, and threw a fit when he closed the blinds. She immediately phoned his house and went ballistic. Funny thing, when he figured out what she had been doing, he said he would have been happy for her to join in. Of course, she was highly offended that he would imply that she would have engaged in such inappropriate behavior.

  24. Dr Gullable says:

    Ahhh Ratchitt, there are those who adapt to knowledge and absorb it and then there is you. I did not say that I was an expert. Read Cali Patti’s lips… I am an expect. When I had the balls, it was in a bowling alley not a bar. I dare say, Nursie Ratchitt, that you will be the one who ends up with irritable bowel syndrome. If and when I go bowling with some sweet young thing, I have no desire to whistle Dixie or some cock a maney one as a ‘happy tune’… I do not whistle while I work on my patients… no insult to Mary Poppins …. Nurse, stick to your psyche patients and leave the doctoring up to moi.

  25. Dr Gullable says:

    Ratchitt, get me the blind neighbor’s phone number asap.

  26. Nurse Rachett says:

    Gullible – well then, you should expect to be held to the highest standard of care. Drano is far from expected as a remedy for addressing the issues you claim one can expect to assist with the cleansing process. Actually there is another remedy, that can be safely used. A teaspoon of coconut oil a day, will keep those aliments at bay. Add a bit of sea salt and expect results you can live with. 🙂
    As a nurse practitioner, I believe in the mind and body approach to happiness and personal fulfillment. You might try spending a bit less time thinking about things that surely will pass, with or without you, and expand on what you are able to provide in the way of expectise.

  27. Nurse Rachett says:

    Gullable – 1-800-nicetry.

  28. Dr Gullable says:

    Rachett, nice people pass the biscuits but all you do is pass gas… If I get me some coconut oil and some sea salt, chug a lug a teaspoon of it and ‘I can get results I can live with’. Sorry, I have no desire to live with the results. I am in the habit of taking a peek at the results and then flushing them. I have to learn to chew my corn better.

  29. Nurse Rachett says:

    I noticed you even wear spectacles in order to enhance that birds eye view. For heavens sake, please don’t forget where you are and go diving in the toilet to retrieve the left over corn.
    Just in case you decide to take me up on my offer, I have called the asylum and asked that they leave a window cracked for you.

  30. Nurse Rachett says:

    Well, I am scheduled for the morning shif at the asylum. So, I must be going for now.
    My Rx for you: Laugh at least ten times tomorrow…a sound mind is a terrible thing to waste.

  31. cali patti says:

    OMG, Oh My, Gee Golly, Gee Wilickers, some one or some two are having itchy fingers….
    Brain cells recharging….

  32. Nurse Rachett says:

    Aw Ms. Cali Patti, Had you said bitchy fingers, I might be able to provide some insight. However, itchy fingers falls in to the expectise of the Gullable one. 🙂

  33. cali patti says:

    Knock, Knock yoo hoo anyone home? I would never use the word bitchy to you. Your wit and words are much brighter and faster than I will ever be. I might be slow but not a complete idiot.

  34. Dr Gullable says:

    Ms Patti, pay no heed to old Ratchett. If she knew where to itch, she would know where to scratch. You stick with me and I will concoct a potion that will fix you right up. Just tell me what ails ya. I would love to put a dab of turpentine on Ratchet’s butt and send her off in space.

  35. Vicky says:

    Cali Pati – You’ll have to excuse Nurse Rachett. She has a PhD in bitchy, and knows pretty much anything and everything about the subject. Not to mention the fact that she specializes in rude crude and socially unacceptable. Fortunately we have dear, sweet, kind, charming and witty Snoopy to keep her in check. BTW, you are far from being slow, and definitely not an idiot. 🙂

  36. cali patti says:

    Oh I understand Nurse Rachett and her nasty mouth, I took no offense. I was trying to tease back. I considered the source and had bitchy been the worse I have ever been called then I might have been offended. I consider Snoopy my secret weapon on the web. Snoopy pops up out of seemingly air space to defend me with her incredible quick wit. Many times I have been able “to step in it” knowing I had Big Guns (Snoopy) somewhere covering my flank. Besides in my younger years I considered being called a bitch and/or a broad a compliment. I really did!
    Thank you all for your support.

  37. cali patti says:

    Nurse Rachett … gotcha’ … I have friends …

  38. Nurse Rachett says:

    Ms. Cali Pati – although I can completely understand the reference if bitchiness being viewed by some as a compliment, my reference above was intended for me (being bitchy)not you. I don’t often apologize, as it could ruin my reputation, but I do apologize to you if you misunderstood. I am quite well versed in bitchiness and other matters of human behavior. I was merely pointing out that the seagull could talk itchy, while I was more qualified to talk bitchy.

    That being said, if feeling at all bitchy, might I recommend a nice relaxing candle lit dinner for two. A bit of last minute romance is guaranteed to significantly lower the negative aspects of bitchiness. That or a nice glass of wine or sex on the beach.

    Dr. Gullable, That window is still open should you choose to avail yourself of a few hours on the couch.

  39. Dr Gullable says:

    Ms Pattie, you are one smart biscuit. You never know where Snoopy will appear and faster than the speed of thunder, she gets the job undone. The only problem I have with the Snoop, she refuses to take any of my potions. Ms Pattie, if you stop in to my clinic , I will give you 2 Tablespoons of it at no charge. It will give you vim and vitality but maybe a little bitchy. Dang side effects eh?

  40. Dr Gullable says:

    Ms Pattie…. DON’T DO IT!! Ratchett wants to date you. She wants sex on the bitch oops beach.
    Lots of old crabs on the beach so Ratchett will fit right in. Yup, ole Ratchie would surely be entertaining at a crab fest.

  41. Nurse Rachett says:

    Get your mind out of the landfill seagull! Sex on the beach is a popular beverage at the finest resorts. Drink too may and you won’t make it to the beach. I have no interest in Ms. Cali Pati as a romantic partner, I prefer…never mind, I won’t go into that right now.
    BTW, a nice close shave or feather plucking will keep those crabs to a minimum.

  42. Dr Gullable says:

    Ms Pattie~~oh lord have mercy, it is not you that Rachett’s desires, oh gawd no, I think it is me. She even shaves to keep the crabs at bay. I am off to drink a whole bottle of my potion and apply crazy glue to my plumes. Rachett wants to pluck me. Well I will show her that I am not that gullible.

  43. Nurse Rachett says:

    Gullible, Why doesn’t itn surprise me that you would choose to use crazy glue? I thought we moved past your belief that I wanted you during you last stay at the asylum. And now you are back to drinking your “potion”, and offering it up to others! I thought you swore off that stuff when the last batch landed you and several others in the looney bin! We both know that bird brain of your can’t handle too many more “potion” binges. If I recall correctly, it was you who plucked out your own feathers while under the influence of that mixture you concocted. You were one pathetic looking seagull when they took you out of that rubber cage they transported you in. Please don’t forget, it was I who gathered up enough feathers to make you a suit of feathers to minimize your embarrassment over looking like a plucked chicken. I also made certain your fellow residents stopped clucking at you during group sessions and in the common areas. It was understandable that you would think the one person who didn’t giggle every time you forgot you were as bald as a new born seagull and attempted to fly, had a thing for you. But, as we discussed in the past, I was just doing my job. I must say, the idea of reinforcing your feathers in case you start t plucking under the influence is not a bad idea has merit. But I think the better course of action might be to put down the bottle. If by chance you decide not to follow my advice, we saved your feather suit in anticipation of a relapse.

  44. cali patti says:

    I am saddened to not be desired Nurse Rachett. Here I was contemplating my manner of dress and considering indulging in my newly purchased fragrance. Aromatherapy on the beach with dinner might have been just what I needed. I am being replaced before my expiration date by Dr. Gull, so sweetly sad.
    Nurse Rachett claims to loudly her protest in not desiring Dr. Gull. Me thinks Dr. Gull protests just a wee bit too much.

  45. cali patti says:

    also thinking I am losing what little brain cells I have remaining reading this post…
    VICKY help Me…please!

  46. Vicky says:

    Cali Pati – Please don’t waste perfectly good brain cells trying to make sense out of the ramblings of Nurse Rachett and Dr. Gullable. I think they both flew over the coo-coo’s nest.

    Past- I think they are both fond of you. And if truth be know, they need each other as well. Now tell me about that aromatherapy. LOL

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